Wordless

My Mom, R's Oma, is concerned that R doesn't know any words yet.

I gave up keeping track of milestones around 7 months for R because it was so hit or miss with her. The books all say, "Here's what an average full-term baby will do around a certain age, but preemies will do what they'll do on their own timeline, regardless of their corrected gestational age." To that, I said, "Okay," and just let R develop as she pleased without pushing her.

But now that it comes to words, something she can't instinctively know, I guess I need to step up and "give her the words," as my Mom put it. I'm starting simple with toys that she interacts with daily: ball, doll, book, block (can I pause here and tell you how awesome HABA toys are?? R got this block set as well as Big Voyage for Christmas and she plays with them all the time. You just can't go wrong with HABA). Every day I've been putting two of those things in front of her, repeating what they are, and then asking her to pick one. She doesn't understand the question.

Kelle at Enjoying the Small Things had mentioned flash cards that have been working for her baby. Her baby is only two months older than R, but she was born full term. R will be one year old at the end of March, but technically she wasn't due until mid-May. Maybe it is a little soon for R to know how to pick a certain object out of a lineup. Or is it?



I think we'll go buy some flash cards today.

War Zone

There's a certain sigh of relief that can be expelled when the long, hard battle is over. We survived. We barely made it by the skin on our teeth, but we're still here. Exhale...

Senpai's parents moved out. They have job interviews lined up many states away, a vague direction of where they're going, and a van full of stuff to take them there. Such is how their life goes.

I feel like I can breath again.

There's a whole half of R's first year that I want to forget. "Edit," Senpai said, "Take out the bad, but remember the good." October to March is a very long time to edit. Delete pictures, remove items from the house, deconstruct the guest bedroom so it can never ever hold guests again. Welcome to my new craft/massage room. If somebody comes to town they can stay in the motel down the street. I'm serious. The motel has good fares. My house will never be a war zone again.

My heart has been hardened and I can't go back to being the innocent girl I was before. I only ever wanted to be a good person. I'm a peacemaker, but to keep the peace on the outside I couldn't keep the peace within myself. I've become battle worn and weary. Boundaries were crossed and I couldn't hold them. My heart was trampled and I couldn't stand up for myself or my family. My side lost the war, and the enemy has moved on to destroy other towns and villages. With them gone, it is time to fortify the defenses. Bolster the troops for the next wave. Morale is low...

I'm looking forward to getting my joy back.

"Mama"

She's learned how to say "Mama."

It came all of a sudden at Barnes & Noble. We had just bought her two new books. I ordered a frappuccino at the cafe and while we waited for the drink to be made, she chirped from her stroller, "Mmmmamamamama." The other patrons smiled sweetly at the cute little baby calling to her Mommy, but they had no idea that it was for the first time. My heart smiled, "That's right, Sweetie, I'm Mama." We settled into a comfy chair to read Baby Beluga, "Mmmmmamamamama."

You can tell me all day long that Mama is harder to say than Dada, but I won't believe you until I see my daughter's lips clumsily try to pronounce it. She's gotten very good at it since then.

"Mamamama!" ("Yes, Sweetheart?")

"Mama!" ("What is it, R?")

"Ma-m." ("Is everything alright, Cupcake?")

I think she's still practicing her newfound syllables; I'm not sure she really knows that it's me yet. It's not like I hovered over her and repeatedly declared myself to be her mother (I don't like to state the obvious, especially when it needs to be said more than once. That probably doesn't make me the best teacher, but hey, I'm learning, too.). As referenced above, though, I do reply to those syllables, hoping she will eventually deduce that saying "Mama" is an excellent way to get my attention. Not that she doesn't have it all day long to begin with. ;-)

And, oh wow, she is getting into EVERYTHING now. In the two hour span this morning between when she woke up and her first nap, I had to shoo her away from electrical cords, heating vents, the kitchen cabinets, heavy items, etc... Daddy's task when he came home would be to finish all the babyproofing we had not gotten to yet. Before then, though, I had to take R to the children's center at the gym, just to have someone else watch her for a bit, and also to give her new and different stimulation than what could be found at home! I'm so glad she enjoyed today's trip to the gym, as well as the last time. The time before THAT had me wondering if I could ever take her again because she cried the entire time she was in there. Good to know the crying spells have not continued.

Eventually I will need to research daycare centers and find myself a job, but until then, I'd like to enjoy warmer weather with my baby. After all, I'm her Mama. <3

She Looks Depressed

I drafted an e-mail that I don't have the guts to send. I keep hoping that I'll grow a spine someday, but no, it will likely never happen.

R deserves a happy mom. That's not me right now. There's nothing I can do. I spin my wheels and fly into internal rages but nothing will change from that. The change will come eventually, when other factors all come together. Other factors that have nothing to do with me or my temper. So I swallow my anger, put on a mask, and try to pretend like everything's okay. It's not okay. R is beautiful and charming and tries to cheer me up with a gurgle or a smile, and I can't enjoy it. The birds are chirping and every day looks more like Spring, but my heart doesn't flutter like I know it would under happier circumstances. It just thumps along, trying to make it through another day. I don't like this at all.

R deserves a happy mom. I wish it were me.

Happy Heart Day to All

I'm down two margaritas tonight and short on words, so I'll let the pictures do most of the talking.

I made this:


Gosh, she's getting so big... and she looks just like me at that age, too. It weirds me out in a wonderful way I could never have imagined.


This kid can DESTROY a block tower.


When it comes to celebrating our love, Senpai and I do good.


Indian food take out, delish!!!!!


Our 6th Valentine's Day together and we still make a cute couple.


R and her gifts from Daddy. She is just the sweetest little cupcake. <3 a="" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/namako_team/5445629523/" title="Daddy gave me a balloon! by Namako Team!, on Flickr">

I'm Home!

It's been a lo-o-ong day. So long, in fact, that I went to bed that night after writing only that first sentence. Okay, let's try this again.

It was Senpai's idea. My parents' birthdays are both at the end of January. Mom had called me earlier in the month to remind me that Dad was turning 60 this year. Uh oh, I thought, I gotta do something special, but what? Then Senpai asked me, "Why don't you go down to see them?" He has to spend a week in Texas sometime soonish for work training, and he wanted to offset that delightful week on my own with R by sending me on a fun trip to Florida to see my family. "That's great!" I said, "But I'm taking R with me." He had braced himself for the idea of spending the weekend alone with R, but I convinced him that the surprise visit would be more of a gift to my parents if they could see their grandbaby as well (they've seen enough of me in their lives, ha!). I called up my brother and asked if he could pick us up from the airport and lodge us for a couple of nights, and he agreed. It was set!

There was a minor setback when my brother told me that Mom and Dad were spending the entire weekend at Disney World. Um... R and I don't mind tagging along at Disney World; they'd take us, right?? Bro was under the impression that Mom was looking forward to spending the time alone with Dad, but I was hopeful that R and my unexpected arrival would spur a family day.

The flight out on Saturday morning went (thankfully) without a hitch. Bro and his wife, pregnant with twins, and their 17 month old daughter, C, met us at the airport and took us back to their house until the birthday dinner. The dinner was at a hibachi restaraunt in Orlando (Bro made the reservations). Mom texted him an hour before the dinner saying that they were there already. I was worried that she would find out how many people were on the reservation! When we got there, it turned out the restaurant hadn't even opened yet; other groups of people in addition to Mom and Dad were all waiting outside. Bro and C distracted them while R and I unloaded ourselves from the minivan (no quick task when there are carseats involved!). SIL held back to take pictures. I sidled up to Mom just as Bro said, "I hope you don't mind we invited a few other guests..."

She screamed at us.
"OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!"

Ahahaha, oh man, I wish we had recorded it. SIL got pics, which I can't wait to see. I didn't see Dad's initial reaction, but when he came up to R and I his eyes were shining. ^_^


SIL, C, Bro, and R at the birthday dinner.


Oma, Grandad, and C at the birthday dinner.

We all went to the Magic Kingdom the next day.


R with Oma and Grandad at Toon Town.


R and C in Minnie's House.


Mommy and R with her new Winnie the Pooh doll.

R's favorite Disney character is Winnie the Pooh. She already had a Pooh doll at home that Grandma had given her for Christmas, but when R was fussing at Disney World and in need of a new toy, a Minnie plush would not do. Oh no, she had no love for Minnie, so then I held up that Pooh doll you see in the picture, and she smiled real big. Yeah, she has two Pooh's now. Oh, and I'm so sad! We had just rounded the corner to the Pooh attraction and there were the Pooh and Tigger characters, getting pictures taken with people! They had just finished with one group and I held on to R for dear life and made a beeline up to them, but then the Disney guards closed in and the characters started walking away as they waved cheerily. I was so heart broken. :-( It made no difference to R because she was looking the other way and didn't even see the characters. Oh well. Maybe she'll get her picture taken with Pooh next time.

Our time in Florida was extended due to the storm as I mentioned in a previous post. Mom and I went to Universal Studios on Monday while Dad watched R (Butterbeer is gooooood), and then R and I packed up to finish our stay at Mom and Dad's house. I got to watch Mom's play rehearsal (she's always in a play. It's hard to keep up sometimes with what character she's doing in what show, but she's a very good actress.), and then Dad took R and I to the local wildlife park to see the manatees and Florida's only hippo.

It was a very pleasant trip. I missed Senpai terribly by the end of it, but he was making good progress on R's room, so it was good that he stayed up in the snowy north. Mom and Dad enjoyed their birthday presents, Bro and family got to meet R and vice versa, and it was overall just a great idea. Thanks, Senpai.

Update: Mom ordered this pic from Disney. Group photo! (Just ignore Mickey kicking R in the head.)

Home Remodeling Dispute

Her, "You aren't going to leave this hole in the wall are you?"

Him, "It's in the closet! I don't care about it."

Her, "I care!"

Him, "There will be totes and stuff in front of it."

Her, "We won't live here forever! Where's the hole-filling stuff; I'll do it."

Him, "It's hard to take the top off.. and then you have to... oh, I'll do it."

Her, "What were you doing, trim? Okay, I'll paint the trim."

Him, "I missed you, my little detailer."

Her, "I missed you, too! So you're also going to get that other hole over there, right?"

Blizzard Warning

I've got the Weather Channel on in the background chirping out the latest news about the winter storm in St. Louis. I need the TV to tell me these things as I am sitting here in sunny Florida, missing all of it. I don't mind missing the snow, sleet, and ice. What I do mind is missing my husband because my flight home tonight was rescheduled for Thursday.

I'll write more about the reason R and I flew down to Florida in the first place when I get back to my own computer and can upload the pictures from the camera, but here's a teaser:


Senpai stayed home to paint R's room while we are away. An upside to our having to delay our return flight is that Senpai does need the extra time to finish the project. He sent me this picture earlier today:


It looks great. I'm happy that he had the day off from work today due to the storm, but I wish I could've been there to help. Before I turned on the Weather Channel, I kept calling him to get updates on the weather and the painting progress, and he'd report back how much he hurt. :-( Maybe he wouldn't have been so overworked if I had been there, but if I were there, that would mean that R would also be there, and the whole point of Senpai tackling this task on his own while we're away is to protect R's budding brain cells from the paint fumes (Senpai had posted a facebook update, "For the amount of brain cells lost painting with KILZ primer I'm sadly disappointed I didn't get a buzz. I guess I'll have to do this the old fashion way...BEER!" lol).

Loving being with my family, but also definitely looking forward to Thursday when I'll return home to snow, sleet, ice, and Senpai. ^_^